Parenting is hard. Depression is hard. Parenting with depression is hard. Depression came first for me. I had been in a daily battle with depression for over 15 years before I even became a mom. I never stopped to think about how parenthood and depression could potentially be a really lethal mix.
I mean...getting out of bed everyday is the first challenge I face when I open my eyes in the morning. But I do it. I have to. Black women always do what they gotta do. No matter the toll it takes.
My oldest has seen me at my lowest. She’s wiped my tears many times. Never knowing why I was crying but hugged me anyway. I had no idea why I was crying.
Depression is tricky like that. You’re just sad sometimes. No explanation. I realized that if I wanted a full life, I had to combat the depression. Not let it consume me. Not let it control me. Instead control how I managed it. Control what I could control.
My children deserve the best version of me and so do I. For a long time I allowed depression to control every decision I made as a parent. I would give my child her tablet, put on Boss Baby, and curl up in my bed.
She would quietly sit there watching her show not even knowing that I was barely hanging on. I did the bare minimum. I was emotionally disconnected. Not completely.
I knew I loved her. I knew I was grateful for her. I knew I wasn’t appreciating her. I knew I wasn’t being the best mom. I wasn’t even being the mediocre mom. I was being the bare minimum mom.
I wanted more. She deserved more. She deserves more.
She deserves to feel safe and secure. She deserves to express herself without the fear of being judged. She deserves a trauma free childhood. And I'm committed to giving her that.
I’ve heard so many stories similar to mine, and witnessed struggling parent-child relationships first hand as an Educator.
If we encourage open and healthy dialogue, we can cultivate a growth mindset, increase mental strength, and build the desired unbreakable bond with our children. We can break generational curses.
You can experience a deeper connection with your child when you get TL2JH: Parent and Me communication journal.
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